Father's Day

Stay-At-Home Dads

by Dana Young

     Almost a century ago, a little girl named Sonora had the unique idea of setting aside one day a year to celebrate fathers. She wanted something to honor her dad, William Smart, who was widowed when his wife died giving birth to their sixth child. William immediately became a single parent, raising five children and an infant. Later, Sonora realized that what her father had done was a courageous and amazing feat. Since his birthday was in June, Sonora celebrated the first Father’s Day on William’s birthday in 1910.
   Several presidents supported the idea of a national Father’s Day including Calvin Coolidge and Lyndon Johnson. In 1972, Richard Nixon signed the law making Father’s Day an officially-recognized day which falls on the third Sunday in June each year.
   Celebrating the 35th official anniversary of Fathers’ Day, several Bay Area dads, who are their children’s primary caretakers, discussed the joys of fatherhood.

Gregg
   A third generation San Francisco native, Gregg McGreevy became the primary caretaker of Finn, age six months, earlier this year. While stepping into the role was a hard decision, Gregg & his wife, Bethany, saw this as an opportunity. “I get great satisfaction sharing the care of our child,” he says. “With pregnancy, labor and breast-feeding, the load’s all been on my wife. It’s nice that I get to take on some of it.”
   Gregg’s favorite outing with Finn is riding BART from their home in Oakland to meet mom for lunch at the Embarcadero Center where she works.
   A freelance graphic designer, Gregg also works from home during Finn’s naptime, at night, and on weekends. As challenging as it is to balance life and work, he notes that the joys far outweigh the frustrations. “When I’ve been referred to as a ‘Mr. Mom’ — I take it as a compliment,” he says. “I think the world of moms. It’s nice to be associated with such an able and strong group of people. One time I was called ‘Mr. Mom’ by a guy who meant it to be a slight, suggesting that sensitivity and care duties make me less of a man. I just shrugged it off and did some laundry.”
  
Rob
   From the time they learned they were having triplets, Pleasanton residents Rob & Maryanne Mutzl knew that Rob would be the primary caretaker. Today, he’s an active at-home dad to Canyon, Sydney and RJ, now two years old, and to Hunter, the couple’s fourth child, age five months. “I was the logical choice,” says Rob. “Daycare was never an option with the costs of having three. Plus, it was monumentally important to both of us that the children have a full-time parent in the home.”
   Employed in sales and marketing prior to the triplets’ arrival, Rob’s job involved extensive travel. Neither parent wanted Rob to be a “tele-dad”, checking in occasionally and missing out on milestones. As a corporate buyer for Enterprise Rent-A-Car, Maryanne’s health and maternity benefits are generous, and her employer has been very supportive, so the decision for Rob to become full-time father was easy.
   Transitioning from the corporate world, Rob works as a disc jockey doing weddings and corporate events. This part-time job provides a wonderful outlet and allows him to continue earning income. “Life sure has a way of taking some unexpected twists, and it doesn’t take long to realize the kids are the priority in your life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world!”

Paul
Pacific Heights resident Paul Banas stepped into the role of full-time father two years ago. Prior to making the decision, Paul was commuting two hours a day, and seeing his daughter and son for only a few minutes each evening. Holding similar corporate positions that involved extensive travel, Paul & his wife decided that he’d be the primary caregiver.
   “When I first became an at-home dad, my son was about six-months old, so caring for him was my main focus. As time went on, we realized there was a need in the marketplace for information and resources to support the growing number of at-home dads, so I started www.GreatDad.com as a way to do this. We’re so lucky that we live in the Bay Area where dads get positive reinforcement from family, friends and the community.”
   With the routine they’ve set up, Paul and the kids explore SF — wandering through the Exploratorium, bowling at the Presidio Bowling Center, and a family favorite — kite flying at Crissy Field. “Never missing out on the key moments in my children’s lives is the number one joy!” says Paul. “I’m there for every school music show, every theater event, every parent-teacher conference. There’s nothing like the look on your child’s face when you show up at school or on a field trip and they can point and say, ‘That’s my dad.’ ”

Ron
   “You only get a few years before your children would prefer to spend time with their friends than with you, so relish those years as gift,” says Marina-district resident and at-home dad Ron Sebahar, primary caretaker of eight-year old Claire. “Making the decision was easy and one I looked forward to.” With his wife’s schedule as advertising manager for The New Yorker Magazine, Ron & Marii decided Ron would stay at home rather than hire help.
    Ron left his position at the Pacific Coast Options Exchange to take on his new role as an at-home dad and at the same time begin a new profession. He’s now one of the top-producing agents at Hill & Co. Real Estate. “I’m lucky and grateful that my wife’s career has allowed me to be a stay-at-home dad, if only for a period, and to explore a new career.
    “I don’t hesitate to bring Claire to showings, open houses, and other appointments. She’s very well-behaved and many of my clients have children so they understand. I wouldn’t trade the past eight-and-a-half years for anything.”

Rick
   A former management consultant, Presidio Heights resident Rick Matcovich became an at-home dad eight years ago. Retired from the corporate world, Rick manages the family nest egg, and loves the strategy involved in grocery shopping. At the time he became an at-home dad, Rick was in a better position to give up his career than his first wife. He and his second wife Donna have three children, one each from prior marriages, and one together.
   Never one to sit around, Rick takes the boys on adventures. “These days, our favorite thing to do with the kids is head to the Ferry Building to see what’s in season, and then have lunch at Yank Sing at Rincon Center. Sometimes we’ll throw in a quick trip to the F-Line Museum near the foot of Market Street. The kids love it. Other adventure highlights include: the Discovery Museum; Japantown; a day in North Beach (Cable Car Museum, North Beach Playground, Washington Square, introduction to café life); or a day at Baker Beach, which my wife insists on when the fog is out.”
   Has being an at-home dad changed his life? “Yes, incredibly!” says Rick. “We’re great caregivers. Each person — mom or dad — has a uniq2.5ue disposition that makes him or her good for this sort of gig, or not. So a dad can be comfortable with and as great at this role, as a mom. And the joys include seeing our kids really happy, having a sense of each child’s mood every day, and being forced to slow down to their pace.”

  Dana Young, freelance writer and PR consultant, holds a JD from the USF School of Law. A second generation San Francisco native, Dana lives in Oakland with her husband, Kaipolani, and their five-year-old triplet daughters.