Peeps

Humanized Marshmellows

By Daniel A. Beck

The term "Peeps" is one of many generational indicators in our society. If you're in Generation Y (early- to mid-20s) or younger, "Peeps" might be short for "people." But for Generation-Xers and those who are even older (presumably Generations A through W), "Peeps" likely brings forth memories of Easter sweets - bright yellow marshmallow blobs that are supposed to resemble small birds.

More specifically, they're supposed to resemble chicks, hence the name "Peeps" - the sound they'd make if they were, indeed, baby chickens. The blurring of the line between real live animals and the empty-caloried food product that likely serves as many dentists' annuities is a little disturbing.

Nowhere is it more obvious than in the name of Peeps' manufacturer "Just Born." Yes, "Born," as in birth. And I'm not even going to discuss whether chickens are "born" or "hatched." As it turns out, the company was founded in 1932 by Sam Born.

When asked about the future of Peeps, Just Born's Marketing Director John Kerr (too bad his name isn't Tom, as in Peeping) said something about how the company was committed to continuing to grow the business and... to have new and exciting products from Peeps -for lots of different times of the year." Wow - all the sincerity and enthusiasm of an Al Gore campaign speech. I would have to find another source to get answers to all my important Peeps-related questions.

The folks at Just Born candies seem to treat Peeps as something other than food, and it's difficult to imagine anyone with a greater belief in the Peeps mystique than Product Manager Wendy Esch. The company saying is, "A great candy isn't made...it's Just Born," and Wendy refers to the product line as "the Just Born family." Sugar addicts who can't buy enough marshmallows at the local grocery store can even join the Peeps fan club, believe it or not. The official Web site, www.marshmallowPeeps.com, even has an entire "village" populated by Peeps and their rabbit counterparts, "Peeps bunnies."

I hate to break this news about Peeps bunnies, but somebody has to do it: Rabbits don't make a "peep" sound. I have, however, heard that they scream like hell when they are, as Wendy put it," run over by a lawn mower." Not a happy Easter thought, huh? Still, I have to wonder why the folks at Just Born didn't think to name the marshmallow rabbits "fluffy bunnies," or more accurately, "shrieking bunnies."

Despite Wendy's protestations, the fact is that more than 98 percent of each Peep is made up of three ingredients: sugar, corn syrup (which is, if I'm not mistaken, synonymous with the term "liquid sugar"), and gelatin. Oddly enough, Wendy will argue to the death that "air" should be listed as an ingredient and that its presence somehow enhances Peeps' nutritional value. It doesn't. The four remaining ingredients total less than 2% of an individual Peep and include a preservative (as if anything with that much sugar content could go bad) and carnauba wax.

Yes, carnauba wax, known in some circles as "automotive wax" - the stuff that keeps your car nice and shiny. I can't imagine what it does to your intestines, though apparently it's edible. Carnauba is used to make the eyes - which are often misplaced on the marshmallow ''head," creating a form of mutant birds.

The folks at Just Born deserve a lot of credit for their marketing efforts. Not only have they cornered a large portion of the Easter junk food market (Kerr confirmed that there are no competitors of "any size or consequence"), they're milking it for all it's worth. Peeps are available in traditional - and slightly more natural-looking - Day-Glo yellow as well as pink, blue, white, and purple.

The Just Born Web site has an area where aficionados can exchange ideas for Peep "recipes and crafts." While Peeps might seem more like food than raw material to be used in crafts projects, with 32 calories of pure sugar per Peep they may seem more like uppers for lethargic kids than real food.

Peeps bring out strange behavior in people. Some science students at Emory University spent Lord-knows-how-much time and effort running Peeps through their paces at www.peepresearch.org. Their "research" included the surgical separation of conjoined Peep quintuplets, as well as tests to see what happens when Peeps are put in a vacuum (they expand...surprise, surprise), micro-waved, stapled, or boiled in various chemicals.

Here's their conclusion: "Given enough time, the proper resources, and access to some really toxic stuff, one can probably dissolve just about anything except Peep eyes." Interestingly, the carnauba wax "eyes" proved to be very nearly indestructible. Professors at Emory University must not assign much homework.

Then again, it's hard to know what normal behavior is when dealing with a food (sort of) product that's the shape of a harmless living creature. Wendy, who prefers yellow and white Peeps because they don't make her mouth change colors like the blue and purple ones, and who begins by biting the Peeps' heads off, thinks eating Peeps is "therapeutic." But when asked where she would put the stick if she were going to roast a chick-shaped Peep over a fire, she said "up its butt." Therapeutic for what, I did not ask.

The future of Peeps doesn't hold many surprises. Wendy confirmed that there are no plans to expand the Peeps Easter line-up, make Peeps' insides blood-red marshmallow cream (for a more realistic effect), fill them with candy "organs," or fortify them with vitamins or minerals. The only glimmer of excitement is this year's commemoration of the 50th anniversary of the little birds' existence, possibly giving a whole new meaning to the term "Peep Show."

Dan Beck is an attorney and writer in the city.